Hi everyone,

I'm a newbie at this so please bear with me. I live in the USA and have recently been
introduced to a Spanish man that grew up in Europe. We've had lunch together and
a couples times met outside my work for brief moments. For three months now we
been talking via telephone and by internet. I am unknown to the spanish culture and
seeking some advice of how the courting differs to the Caucasian Americans.

We talk by phone several times a day so I know he isn't married. I have
not been out on an evening date or spent time with him yet and was wondering if this
is normal for the Spanish men to court a woman like this?
He has said that he has to be sure before I am even presented to his family.
I haven't a clue to this culture and any advice sure would be helpful because I really
have fallen for this man and haven't even spent time with him in person!

Gracias

P.S. I almost feel like I'm in training????

Hmmm,this guy grew up in Europe---is his family still over there? I notice you say "phone and internet", so does that mean he is not living close by now? Has he talked about commitment(to an oldster like me this means MARRIAGE)?

Talking on the phone does not mean the guy is single!

Also, Europeans are mostly "Caucasians"or white(even though the Caucasus is a pretty small area and I am increasingly bummed by labels that are anything but geographic); it's only in the US that we make a big deal about
(pick one)hispanic, latino, chicano, etc, etc---folks who may (or may not)be the product of "mestizaje" the mingling of native Western Hemisphere peoples and those from elsewhere. How many Americans reflect the ethnicity of their surnames???

Court cautiously, whereever a person is from, and take this advice from a woman whose been married 34 years: you will be expected to hold down two jobs unless this guy is filthy rich---one of those 40 hour a week ones plus keeping house. I can hear Jeremy screaming all the way over here, as I know he is one of the rare ones who pulls his weight around the house, so forgive me, gents, if you don't care for this post. P.S. My husband and I both get pensions, but only he is retired....

Thank you Sue so much for the advice.

He comes from a wealthy family and is in the USA with his family. We are older and he has talked marriage. But he is taking awhile in spending time with me and I had heard that it is thier custom to make sure of the woman, that they have respect for, and then present to family. Maybe its just his family custom.

The dating has been different then what I'm accoustomed is the reason for questioning. But the respect I recieve has been wonderful and well worth the wait.

Thank you again and I will continue to read and learn more from this post!

Labreeze, I'm a little leary about "seeing" each other for 3 months and still no "real" date in person. I hope all goes well for you.

His cautious approach to you is common. I met my husband (a Spaniard) here in the States. All his family lives is Madrid. We dated and lived together for almost two years before he took me back to Madrid to meet his own. We were engaged when we went, but he did not tell his parents about that until we returned to the States, only his brothers knew. Even when I was there that first time, his mother was trying to convince him to come back and marry a nice Spanish girl.
Six years later, we are married, and his family has really warmed up to me. Just wanted to share my story so you would not feel that this is out of the ordinary. Good luck!

Thank you for sharing your story. It's been a treat to read these posts.

I am understanding more and also I have stressed my concern with him. He has told his daughter about me two days ago, but it'll still be awhile before meeting her. He says it is for her/their protection. The good news is, we have our first official date this evening.

I have enjoyed reading about the different foods from Spain. Especially the way the tortilla is made.

And I love the Spanish guitar music, it is very romantic.

Gracias and wish me luck!

Labreeze.......aka......the lady in waiting....

Hola LaBreeze,
There is a lot of wisdom in taking your time to know the person before you commit to a serious relationship. Too often people have a whirlwind courtship, only to find weeks later that they were mistaken. Your friend sounds like a serious person.

This gives you too the opportunity to see if he is the right guy for you, its reciprocal. You too are a very important person and he needs to understand your culture as well. Take your time.

How does the saying go: "Marry in haste and repent in leisure."

Just thought I�d throw my two cents in here as a newlywed as of 17 months...to a Spaniard no doubt.

Our courtship was very much out of the norm with "chico" being in Spain and me being in the USA. The majority of our "dating" occured over weekend trips either to Spain or the USA during a period of 2 years (yes, it was an expensive courtship) and our communication was through internet chats, email and phone. His family did not know about me for at least 6 months, except for his sister that he is closest to. So, your internet and phone conversations (although he is stateside) do not strike me as "abnormal" or anything to cause alarm.

Hesitancy on his part could be a number of factors: 1) Culturally speaking, Spaniards don�t typically introduce someone they are dating to the family until they feel it�s a serious relationship. 2) You mention that his family is wealthy. Not that I have much experience dating wealthy people ...but I do have some very wealthy friends...and they are extremely cautious about who they get romantically involved with, for obvious reasons. 3) You mention that he has a daughter and that he is concerned about protecting her. It makes perfect sense to me. Furthermore, perhaps once bitten twice shy? You may not know the circumstances of his previous relationship, and he may not be too quick to share them.

Anyway, just some more insight. Take your time, enjoy the courtship!

Saludos!

Ummm... sorry to be nosy, but how did the date go?! Keep us posted!

Brian

You read my mind Brian

Saludos,
jer...

I'm still puzzling out the "protection" part, and have concluded that your friend does not want his daughter to get attached to you, then be disappointed. Is that a reasonable interpretation?

Sue, that�s exactly how I interpreted it!

LaBreeze, well? We are all waiting to hear about the big first official date

Saludos,
jer...

Labreeze, where are you, we are all waiting to hear about your date. Better yet, post here or maybe join the chat that goes on Sundays here. Jer can provide more info on that....But , please, let us know how you are doing.

Hi everyone!

Sorry it took so long to reply. I lost the web address to this site, until I received a email about a barbeque! Was so thankful to have not been forgotten.

The date was wonderful. Very charming, handsome and respectful. I'm even more in love with this spaniard then ever. I am enjoying every day of the respect that I recieve from him and his culture is quite fascinating. I tend to ask too many questions but am quite eager to learn. hehehee. I have grown to like the part of not telling family about us until we are both sure. My family lives in a different state and knows nothing of my feelings for him.

He has spoken of when I meet his father...ya da....ya da....ya da. So I know someday I will meet his family. AND he has said that to trust him because soon we will be spending more time together.

He has shared more of his concern/fears with me that he's been bitten before and he swore never again. So I have more of an understanding which helps with this new way of courting.
AND by reading these posts it has helped me more then words are able to decribe.

Hopefully one day we'll be able to travel to Madrid and I'll really be able to get the jest of all the wonders of this exciting culture/country.

Mucho Gracia! and I have bookmarked this page!

Congrats Labreeze! I am sure that I am speaking for most everyone when I say that we are soooo happy that things are working out for you!