I have seen it noted in several articles and books on spanish culture/courtesy that rarely are casual friends invited to the home of spaniards or south americans. Is this true? If so why? Only because the homes are small? I ask this because entertaining in our homes is so popular here, that it is hard to imagine entertaining friends at a restaurant or bar on a regular basis. Just curious....

It depends on the family. But for the most part yes, meeting is done in public places, not at the home. Especially for what you said- Casual friends- Because the houses are smaller, because more people live in them (children often live at home until they get married) so there would be a bit more caos... and to bring someone to your home that you barely know...but generally Spain unlike the US there are more places to be able to meet and hang out in Spain. In the US you have less options unless it is your house! Especially depending on where you live.

Hi ToniG,
I believe that it is also a cultural phenomena as well. Particular when you speak of "casual" as meaning someone you just met. I grew up with two Spaniards, my parents, and I was told that you brought home your dear friends to play and to share a meal, but not someone you did not know well. The Spanish home is a serious place, at least it was and still is to my parents.

Whenever, I brought my girlfriends home, my mother would want to know all about them and wanted to meet their parents first before we had an overnight stay, even when we moved to the U.S.

Because I was raised in the U.S., however, I encouraged my son to bring home friends and casual aquaintances.

Perhaps, it was and is a generational phenomena, my parents are in their late seventies and grew up in a different time. Maybe now it is not the same, or as Espe3 explained there are other reasons lilke space.

It is still very rare for Spaniards to entertain in their homes. All the reasons mentioned earlier are valid: culture, space, logistics, availability of other venues, etc. I have only been here about a year but I remember colleagues who have been here for four or more years remarking on how they still haven't been to the homes of their closest Spanish office mates.

One additional, sad but true (at least among the people I have met), is that Spaniards tend to be very jealous people. Therefore, they don't want people in their home unless they are very, very close friends as they are scared of their home not being "good enough", "expensive enough", etc.

Its partially insecurity, but also partially a real tendency to judge people on their most obvious material goods: home, car, watch...

Fortunately, all Spaniards don't have this mind set, but I've found many that do.

So, I try to break the trend by having people over to my home...

quote:

So, I try to break the trend by having people over to my home...

PARTAAAAAAAYYYYY at Val & Carlos's house

Saludos,
jer...

Hey, when I lived in Madrid, I got invited to two (female) students' homes for lunch. (I'm sure at least one of the families wanted me to marry their daughter, keep in mind this was 15 years ago! :jeje: )

My roommates would often invite some of our Spanish classmates to our piso for beers or to make a meal; they accepted but wondered if we worried about getting ripped off. We said that we weren't too worried about our possessions because about all we had were a small radio and a 12" black and white TV. Some accepted that and just enjoyed themselves, while some said "oh sure, you Americans are all so rich that if something gets stolen you can just go out and buy a new one." (These ones weren't invited back.)

You are right, I think it is rare to be invited to a Spaniard's home unless you are "familia" or "gente de confianza". Part of it might be the reasons mentioned in other posts, but also that it is the one place where the family's privacy is ensured. (Being such social people, it is the one place where one can spend time with just the family.)

However, I might think that this might also be true for other Europeans such as French and Germans (if I am wrong here please let me know).

Paul wrote:

quote:

However, I might think that this might also be true for other Europeans such as French and Germans (if I am wrong here please let me know).

You are right. We only invite people we know and trust. But once you are invited, you'll be served as a king!

Martine

You�re right Paul, I think. Even in the UK people don�t just "drop in" but wait to be invited. Years ago I lived in Saudi where my husband works for an American company. I found it very strange that all these people just kept knocking on my door and saying "hi we�ve come visiting!". I really didn�t know how to handle this, as to most Brits, if someone knocks, you open the door a tad and say "Yes??" I soon learned to open the door wide and people would wander in, we would have coffee and I made great friends. Other Brits didn�t find it so easy to accept!!

Here in Lanzarote I live in a very old rambling farmhouse and people know that if my outside door is on the latch they can just wander in whenever they like - it�s an invitation to come in. If the door is closed I have phone calls from people checking that I am okay which is great, as I live the majority of my life here alone. My Spanish neighbours are quite used to my "odd" ways, and very occasionally I am invited into their houses, but like you say, they are very family orientated, work so hard and family time together is precious to them. When I am invited it is very much, get dressed up, take presents and food, and becomes very formal.

I think the "just drop by" behavior is more common in some places in the US than others. I have heard it's common and accepted in the Midwest (I'm generalizing here).

I am also wondering about the visits of family and trusted friends...do people call ahead or just drop by? (I'm figuring it's the former.) For example, Irene's parents will just drop by a relative's house, despite our "encouragements" to get them to at least call first.

In contrast, my parents almost never just stop by someone's house, although they are so easygoing they don't really mind getting unexpected visitors...about 10 years ago, a woman knocked on the door of their last home (built 1909, only two other families had lived there) whose grandfather was the first owner. The woman's husband was so embarrassed ,but my parents thought it was fine. She took us all around the house and told us stories about her grandparents. It was pretty fun.

quote:

However, I might think that this might also be true for other Europeans such as French and Germans (if I am wrong here please let me know).

The same here in Italy, my friend...

But, yeah, Italians and Spaniards are very similar, so...

See ya

Even with family its not normal to not call and say that you're going to show up. It also depends on the reason... but usually you are expected to call. Spanish people in general lead very active lives- so if you don't call you're also taking a chance on interrupting plans or that the person/people won't be home.

Paul, is Irene's family native New Mexican? I am and it is common for the family to just drop in.

As a child, I loved this because I got to see many cousins this way. One time, living here in San Diego, we received a phone call from cousins (from N.M.) saying they were coming to visit us, when we asked when, they said, "Oh we are right around the corner". So New Mexican!!!!
Maybe it is an antiquated custom from days gone by.

Maybe I should have specified- I was speaking about Spanish families! My bad! Sorry!

quote:

Paul, is Irene's family native New Mexican? I am and it is common for the family to just drop in.

No, they are actually both from Mexico, but raised their family outside of Chicago. When her dad retired they moved to Las Cruces, NM. I think in a time when most people were home a lot, it was more popular. However, when people were going ten different directions all the time, it is less common.

When I was growing up, people often dropped by our house unexpectedly, and we loved it. However, we rarely did the unexpected drop-bys, mostly like espe said, people are usually busy and might not be home or involved in something they cannot postone. If anything, we would always call first.

At my own house, I'm usually happy to accommodate unexpected guests, but there are exceptions...One time a very irritating in-law showed up to show off his new car. Of course he wanted to take us on a ride. However, I was in the middle of a tilesetting project and had just mixed a fresh batch of cement....some jobs can be postponed until a later time, but certainly not any job involving freshly-mixed cement.

I told him I could go AFTER I'd used up this batch of cement and cleaned the bucket and tools (at least an hour), but if he helped me set some tile the job would be done more quickly in less than half an hour.

(As I expected) he declined and began to complain loudly about the situation. So, I pulled out the trump card:

"well, if you had used your cell phone to call us even 10 minutes before you arrived..."

Had he been nicer, I could probably have covered the cement bucket with wet cloth to keep it from drying for a while and gone on the ride, however it was too much fun to watch him squirm....