I just got this in an email and wanted to share.
These are funny and soo true...especially the last one.
Feel free to add your own!
ENJOY!
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YOU KNOW YOU'VE LIVE IN SPAIN WHEN:
1) You think adding lemonade, fanta or even coke to red wine is perfectly acceptable. Especially at lunch time.
2) You can't get over how early bars & clubs shut back home - surely they're shutting just as you should be going out?
3) You aren't just surprised that the plumber/decorator has turned up on time, you're surprised he turned up at all.
4) You've been part of a 'botellón'.
5) You think it's fine to comment on everyone's appearance. And to openly stare at strangers.
6) Not giving every new acquaintance dos besos seems so rude.
7) You're shocked by people getting their legs out at the first hint of sun - surely they should wait until at least late June?
8) On msn you sometimes type 'jajaja' instead of 'hahaha'
9) You think the precious aceite is a vital part of every meal. And don't understand how anyone could think olive oil on toast is weird.
10) You're amazed when TV ad breaks last less than half an hour, especially right before the end of films.
11) You forget to say please when asking for things - you implied it in your tone of voice, right?
12) You love the phenomenon of giving 'toques' - but hate explaining it in English
14) You don't see sunflower seeds as a healthy snack - they're just what all the cool kids eat.
15) You know what a pijo is and how to spot one.
16) Every sentence you speak contains at least one of these words: 'bueno,' 'coño,' 'vale,' 'venga,' 'pues nada'...
17) You know what 'resaca' means. And you probably had one at least once a week when you live in Spain.
18) You know how to eat boquerones.
19) A bull's head on the wall of a bar isn't a talking point for you, it's just a part of the decor.
20) You eat lunch after 2pm & would never even think of having your evening meal before 9.
21) You know that after 2pm there's no point in going shopping, you might as well just have a siesta until 5 when the shops re-open.
22) If anyone insults your mother, they better watch out...
23) You know how to change a bombona. And if you don't, you were either lazy or lucky enough to live somewhere nice.
24) It's not rude to answer the intercom to your piso by asking 'Quien?' or 'Si?'
25) You don't accept beer that's anything less than ice-cold.
26) You know Bimbo isn't a slutty woman, it's a brand of 'pan de molde' (which, incidentally, isn't mouldy)
27) The sound of mopeds in the background is the soundtrack to your life.
28) You know that the mullet didn't just happen in the 80s. It is alive and well in Spain.
29) You know the difference between cojones and cajones, tener calor and estar caliente, bacalao and bakalao, pollo and polla, estar hecho polvo and echar un polvo...and maybe you learned the differences the hard way!
30) On some Sunday mornings you have breakfast before going to bed, not after you get up.
31) You don't see anything wrong with having a couple of beers before lunch if you feel like it.
32) Floors in certain bars are an ideal dumping ground for your colillas, servilletas etc. Why use a bin?!
33) You see clapping as an art form, not just a way to express approval.
34) You know ensaladilla rusa has nothing to do with Russia.
35) When you burst out laughing every time you see a Mitsubishi Pajero (thanks Stuart Line for reminding me of that one!)
36) You have friends named Jesus, Jose Maria, Maria Jose, Angel, maybe even Inmaculada Concepcion...
37) You know that 'ahora' doesn't really mean now. Hasta ahora, ahora vuelvo...etc
38)When you make arrangements to meet friends at 3, the first person turns up at 3.15...if you're lucky!
39) Central heating is most definitely a foreign concept. In winter, you just huddle around the heater under the table & pull the blanket up over your knees...and sleep with about 5 blankets on your bed! (OK I accepot this is probably just in the south!)
40) When you laugh, you don't laugh your head off - te partas de risa.
41) Aceite de oliva is 'muy sano', of course. So you help yourself to a bit more.
42)When women think that clear bra straps are in fact invisible.
43) When it's totally normal for every kitchen to have a deep-fat fryer but no kettle.
44) Te cagas en la leche....
45) To avoid that cheap Eristoff vodka you have to ask for 'un esmirnoff'
46) When you know what a guiri is / have been called one
47) When you add 'super' in front of any adjective for emphasis
48) Blonde girls actually start to think their name is 'rubia'
49) When you accept that paying with a 50 euro note is going to get you a dirty look if you're buying something that costs less than 40 euros
50) If something is great, it's 'de puta madre'
51) You can eat up to 5 times a day - first breakfast, 2nd breakfast around 11.30, almuerzo, merienda, cena
52) You know the jingle for Los Cuarenta Principales...
53) If you see someone wearing a T-shirt with something written on it in English, you can almost guarantee it won't make sense.
54) When you go into a bank/bakery etc, it's standard practice to ask 'Quien es la ultima?'
55) Who needs a dryer when you have a washing line outside the window of your apartment?
56) You know what 'marcha' and 'juerga' are. (Of course!)
57) You are more likely to call your friends tio/a, nena, chaval, macho or even tronco than their real name.
58) Love it or hate it, you can't escape reggaeton.
59) You answer the phone by saying 'Yes', and when identifying yourself you say 'I'm...' not 'It's...'. But when you try those tactics back home, everyone thinks you're mad or rude!
60) You carry on buying UHT milk when you get back home and your friends think this is disgusting but you can't understand their point of view.
61) You think its totally normal to walk down a street and see nothing but bakeries, bars, and banks
62) You actually like standing on the terrace and waving to your next door neighboor while they are hanging there laundry on the dry lines.. and getting the local gossip
63) When a lady is only spanish if she has a Tous and a Carolina Herrera bag... real or fake..teddy bears and CHs are a must!
64) When no one understands the significance of a drinking age. Seeing underaged kids out in the night clubs in completely understandable.
65) You see 60 year old men sucking a chupa chup on the metro or a 'pija' walking by all dressed up with one in her mouth.
66) When you know the difference between Cola-Cao and Nesquik
67) You're not surprised to hear 'coño', 'hostia', 'gilipollas' and 'me cago...'. and loads more, come from the mouth of 5 year olds or 70 year olds
68) When you know the difference between 'chulo' (an activity, an inanimate object) and 'chulo' (a person)
69) You're never actually in a hurry to get anything done & you dislike tourists...
70) When you've had cañas & tapas with your profes
71) There is no 'censura'. There are such tv programmes called 'Sin tetas No Hay Paraiso'
72) The sight of 50 raw pigs' legs hanging up round the bar goes unnoticed by you.
73) When you know that "un puente" is not "a bridge"
74) When you hear the female cashiers in a supermarket having a personal conversation with the other cashier on the other side whilst there is a queue of people waiting to pay....
75) When you know that BIMBO is a brand of bread
76) When you know that in a cafe there are 3 different prices : it's cheaper to have your drink standing at the bar, for a little bit more of money you have a table, and for a little extra you sit outside in the sun.
77) When you phrase questions to your english-speaking friends by stating something and then asking 'no?'
78) When you see someone wearing a T-shirt with something written on it in English, you can almost guarantee it won't make sense.
79) When you ask for "un café con leche descafeinado de máquina con leche natural con hielo"... Hostia!!!
80) When none of your Spanish friends are actually Spanish. "No soy español...soy andaluz, soy catalán, soy gallego"
81) When EVERYONE emails and msn's youuuuuuu like thiiiiiiiiiissssssss !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
82) When you want to take out an 85 year old lady for butting in front of you in the grocery line
83) When you know the difference between "estar hecho polvo" (being awfully tired) and "echar un polvo" (have sex)
84) When you're not surprised when people you don't even know call you "Guapa, Corazon, Cariño o Nena"
85) When stopping your car in the middle of the street blocking all others behind, putting on the warning lights, walking into a shop just to buy some tomatoes, is a perfectly sane thing to do
86) 'Aladdin troussers' ("bombachos") are still alive and well in Spain.
87) When you learn the hard way that in spain the concept of "24hours open self service gas station" just doesn't exist
88) When "¡Es lo que hay, tío!" does not represent mediocrity to you, but indicates the end of any possibilty to discuss.
89) When you automatically check the "cuenta" for what isn't right.
90) You can spot tourists a mile off and pride yourself as not looking like them as you obviously now look 'spanish!'
91) When you find yourself telling people that places are just up the road, when they are infact a 25 minute walk
92) When you stopped wondering why during "semana santa" there is a massive amount of Ku Klux Klan members walking around bearing crosses...then finding out it's actually a very religious outfit!
93) You're carrying something in your hand out the door, and you go back inside to put it in a plastic bag.
94) When after only one day of "normal" rain,the first six pages of the local paper are full of photos and articles of the "monsoon" weather and the terrible conditions that the poor spanish people have had to endure...
95) Everything can be eaten with a fork in one hand and a piece of bread in the other.
96) You've mastered the art of saying " venga... esssta logo" instead of 'hasta luego'
AND LAST:
you see new foreigners arrive in your local town and YOU call THEM 'güiris'
*.*Stacey*.*
- rent or buy a cell phone from me for your stay in spain, more info at 
- already have a cell phone, get a spanish SIM card for it at 
I am Canadian). 
